IV. Synthetic Languages
No discussion of the more sublime features of the cyberworld would be complete without consideration of the creatively invented languages such as leet speak, or to be more precise, l33t5p34k. Many theories abound concerning the origin of leet, presumably derived from "elite." The most common and perhaps the most reasonable of explanations is that it came into being as a means for kids to hide from their parents what they were actually saying online. Leet has great popularity among gamers.
The basic premise of leet is to substitute numbers or symbols for the intended letter. That would be simple enough, but many letters may be represented by more than one number or symbol and, conversely, a particular number or symbol may be substituted for two or more letters. Attempting to make sense of the rules of the language so a new user faced with unfamiliar words or phrases can encode or decode them is a Herculean task. Come to think of it, maybe this isn't that different from English after all.
In addition to the novel use of apparently random substitutions, leet also has several purely invented words, one of the most popular being "w00t." w00t? w00t??!!??!!?? That's not a word even when it is spelled with letters. Again, the origins and meaning of w00t are the subject of several theories, many of them contradictory. Most prevalent, and again perhaps most reasonable, is that it developed first among gamers as an acronym for "We own the other team" and evolved into its leet rendition. From what was apparently an origin as a term of gloating celebration, it has come to be used in any victorious or self-congratulatory situation, and even further expanded to include expressions of congratulations to others, praise for a job well done, and many other instances of joy and happiness.
Several websites attempt to explain leet and to assist the "un-leet" in understanding it. One of the most extensive pieces of commentary can be found at wikipedia.org. Even Microsoft has graciously provided a public service for parents trying to understand the language their children are using. My suggestion to anyone studying the information on these sites and others in an attempt to decipher exactly what your daughter's boyfriend is saying to her or to learn leet so you, too, can be "kewl," is don't bother. Aside from the fact that "kewl" is frowned upon by the truly leet, the language changes so often that tomorrow you will be out of date anyway.
V. Some Concluding Thoughts
Are all these smilies, acronyms, synthetic languages, and the rest really the time savers they were originally intended to be for the writer as well as the reader? Considering the proliferation of their usage and the fact that new ones are being added daily, I wonder how much time is spent with senders mulling over which of the thousands of available smilies and acronyms to use and with receivers trying to figure out exactly what a particular passage means. In fact, I am thinking about applying for a government grant to conduct an in-depth study to determine the net gain or loss in time resulting from the use of such shortcuts. I suspect we are actually wasting enough time that if put to other uses would result in the cure for cancer, the end to poverty, and the achievement of world peace.
The internet is indeed a strange place. Trying to find a piece of information, Google leads us to a variety of pages that promise to satisfy our curiosity. But, alas, we are instead treated to indecipherable acronyms punctuated with smiley faces and interlaced with words and phrases written in what appears to be some primitive hieroglyphics. It's enough to make the casual surfer long for the simplicity of legal treatises.
Nonetheless, many of the previously mentioned smilie websites along with sites that translate acronyms and leet can be of at least momentary help and comfort. If nothing else, one can gain some assurance in realizing he or she is not alone in being dumbfounded.
And people thought my generation was weird with our hippie talk and love beads.
Special note number 1. To the providers of the above-mentioned web pages: For all your efforts in trying to assist real people in the perhaps futile attempt to understand what they are seeing on their computer screens, I have only one thing to say: w00t!!!!!!
Hey, I told you I am guilty as charged.
Special note number 2. To the humor impaired: The foregoing is intended to be humorous and not intended to insult, criticize, belittle, or otherwise step on anyone's toes. So if your toes are sore, tough.
Special note number 3. To the paranoid: Many of you may be wondering if I had you in mind in anything that I have said in this article. Don't bother to ask. Like Carly Simon, I can keep a secret. 
