My wife of 33 years is losing her sanity

nowareman · 06-08-2004, 01:25 PM

I didn't even see it coming. One day she was the girl I've known since high school. An occassional rant or complaint. For the most part a reasonable human being. But events have led to her psychological undoing and I'm afraid she may never be the same.

We're getting our bathroom remodeled and it's taking a far greater toll on her than I could ever have imagined.

Yesterday I stayed upstairs in case the carpenters needed anything. I braved the dust and noise willingly, the thought of a our new bathroom strengthing my resolve. She called me for myriad trips downstairs for instructions in case of any calamatous event. The she complained I was "having fun" on my computer all day.

Today I turned my computer off when the plumbers arrived. I went downstairs to stay with her. I even brought a book. As I sipped my morning tea I was told emphatically that I had to go upstairs right then and "supervise" the plumbers.

Right now all is quiet. It's just after lunch so the fireworks haven't started yet.

But I can tell the fuse is lit.

Monkey Hanger · 06-08-2004, 01:28 PM

Retire to a safe distance and watch the fireworks!

JoeFrat · 06-08-2004, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monkey Hanger

Retire to a safe distance and watch the fireworks!

LOL

Things I have to look forward to....

Smurfer · 06-08-2004, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monkey Hanger

Retire to a safe distance and watch the fireworks!

It sounds like you don't trust the contractors ability to complete the project. Are they dummies and have to be watched all the time? Or just watching to make sure they don't 1/2 *** something. I'm self emplyed and really do not like it when someone is breathing down my neck when try'ing to work. Sometimes it's better to get the communications clear as day to the workers so they know exactly what you want done. If they run into a problem they should stop and ask first before sawing through conduit or something.

If you can communicate with your contractor and he knows what he is doing you can pretty much leave the guy alone and hopefully the work will get done faster.

Goldenfarmb · 06-08-2004, 01:55 PM

My family is also going through a "remodel". It's actually adding a new room and a remodel to the kitchen, but my wife is going nuts also. I think it's part of her maternal instinct. SHe is freakin gout that her "nest" is being pounded, drilled, and sawed on. Dust and crap everywhere make living conditions messy and that intensifies the insanity. We should be done in a month , if yours is done sooner, please let me know how long it take to get your old wife back.

**pointreyes** · 06-08-2004, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nowareman

The she complained I was "having fun" on my computer all day.

I have made the conclusion a long time ago that the wife will claim that I'm on the computer all day if I even touch the computer for a brief second. And even though I haven't played a game on the 'puter for over two years, I'm always having fun on the 'puter. Time and fun are removed from a realistic evaluation of what I'm doing on a computer.

Wingit · 06-08-2004, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smurfer

It sounds like you don't trust the contractors ability to complete the project. Are they dummies and have to be watched all the time? Or just watching to make sure they don't 1/2 *** something. I'm self emplyed and really do not like it when someone is breathing down my neck when try'ing to work. Sometimes it's better to get the communications clear as day to the workers so they know exactly what you want done. If they run into a problem they should stop and ask first before sawing through conduit or something.

If you can communicate with your contractor and he knows what he is doing you can pretty much leave the guy alone and hopefully the work will get done faster.

As an Interior Design professional for 30+ years, I can tell you that Smurfer is right on the mark....get her (and you) out of there...perhaps lunch out or shopping for some new accessories for the new bath. Right now, she is trying to deal with a pack of loud, dirty, disruptive men in HER space with no immediate prospect of them leaving and further, is paying through the nose for the dubious privilege of enduring them!.....or so it may seem. I have actually seen couples separate and divorce over new home construction. Loving spouses become candidates for the Exorcist overnight.....we don't realize sometimes how important the home refuge is, and when it is taken away...even on a temporary basis....it has undesired effects on people. Good luck with the project....you'll survive it (the job that is, perhaps not the bills...I should know

)

nowareman · 06-08-2004, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smurfer

It sounds like you don't trust the contractors ability to complete the project. Are they dummies and have to be watched all the time? Or just watching to make sure they don't 1/2 *** something. I'm self emplyed and really do not like it when someone is breathing down my neck when try'ing to work. Sometimes it's better to get the communications clear as day to the workers so they know exactly what you want done. If they run into a problem they should stop and ask first before sawing through conduit or something.

If you can communicate with your contractor and he knows what he is doing you can pretty much leave the guy alone and hopefully the work will get done faster.

The contractor and tradesmen are excellent.

Are you married Smurfer?

I'm not breathing down anyone's neck. I'm just supposed to be a room or two away in case anything comes up. And my computer just happens to be in the room. So I'm being castigated for "having fun" on my computer while being told to stay close by in case the carpenters, plumbers or electricians need anything. So far my duties have consisted of getting cold water (it's 90F here today) and once I was called to inspect the first tub which had a large chip in it. You see, the contractor and tradesmen are so good they alerted me to the problem.

I think you may have missed my attempt at humor, Smurfer.

nowareman · 06-08-2004, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wingit

As an Interior Design professional for 30+ years, I can tell you that Smurfer is right on the mark....get her (and you) out of there...perhaps lunch out or shopping for some new accessories for the new bath. Right now, she is trying to deal with a pack of loud, dirty, disruptive men in HER space with no immediate prospect of them leaving and further, is paying through the nose for the dubious privilege of enduring them!.....or so it may seem. I have actually seen couples separate and divorce over new home construction. Loving spouses become candidates for the Exorcist overnight.....we don't realize sometimes how important the home refuge is, and when it is taken away...even on a temporary basis....it has undesired effects on people. Good luck with the project....you'll survive it (the job that is, perhaps not the bills...I should know

)

We've already picked up every possible accesory made for the bath, Wingit. But thanks for the suggestion.

I called a hotel today and offered my lovely wife a one day all expense paid trip there today and any other day of her choosing. She declined. You're right about HER space. She is very protective of it but I'm the human interface with the contractor and tradesmen. Not to worry. It's better this way. I've always been accused of being too nice. Like I said, I've worked for a living and know what it's like.

I'm certain the bath will be fantastic. Our house was built in the 20's and we're making it a 20's bath. Subway tile, pedestal sink, borders, listello, it's going to be really nice.

Can you get me more info on getting divorced after home construction?

*Bofinn* · 06-08-2004, 02:21 PM

watch out for any cracks...

nowareman · 06-08-2004, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bofinn

watch out for any cracks...

We have plenty of grout.

Monkey Hanger · 06-08-2004, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bofinn

watch out for any cracks...

Smurfer · 06-08-2004, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nowareman

The contractor and tradesmen are excellent.

Are you married Smurfer?

I'm not breathing down anyone's neck. I'm just supposed to be a room or two away in case anything comes up. And my computer just happens to be in the room. So I'm being castigated for "having fun" on my computer while being told to stay close by in case the carpenters, plumbers or electricians need anything. So far my duties have consisted of getting cold water (it's 90F here today) and once I was called to inspect the first tub which had a large chip in it. You see, the contractor and tradesmen are so good they alerted me to the problem.

I think you may have missed my attempt at humor, Smurfer.

Oh jeez i didn't even see that comin, So she's just freakin out okay i understand now. Nothin you can about that just run!!

Wingit · 06-08-2004, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nowareman

We've already picked up every possible accesory made for the bath, Wingit. But thanks for the suggestion.

np

[/quote] I called a hotel today and offered my lovely wife a one day all expense paid trip there today and any other day of her choosing. She declined.[/quote]
she probably is at the "if I leave, it will all turn to crap" phase of remodeling...so I guess that's out

[/quote] You're right about HER space. She is very protective of it but I'm the human interface with the contractor and tradesmen.[/quote]
Don't forget to cut yourself some slack as well :wave2:

[/quote]Not to worry. It's better this way. I've always been accused of being too nice. Like I said, I've worked for a living and know what it's like.

[/quote]
I don't doubt it....many have not

[/quote] I'm certain the bath will be fantastic. Our house was built in the 20's and we're making it a 20's bath. Subway tile, pedestal sink, borders, listello, it's going to be really nice. [/quote]
Sounds great to me!

[/quote] Can you get me more info on getting divorced after home construction?

[/quote]
Sorry, but I'm NOT goin' there, lol.....perhaps grsamf can recommend? (you don't really want to lose that remodeled bath...do you?)

BEST of LUCK in YOUR ENDEAVOUR!

grsamf · 06-08-2004, 03:55 PM

nowareman, don't try to deal rationally with irrationality. She is excited about the project and wants it perfect and if it's not she wants to be able to blame you. I don't mean that as criticism of her. It's just how some of us cope. In my case, the situation is a bit reversed. A typical conversation between my wife and me:

She: The [contractor, plumber, painter, whatever] is coming next week to look at the [project] and give his ideas and estimate. Can you be here?

Me: That would be really hard. I can't just drop everything. Geez, you know what we want. Can't you handle it. I'll trust your decisions.

A week passes.

She: The [xxx] was here and said that it would be better to [whatever]. I told him to go ahead.

Me: Why in the blazes did you do that? Do I have to do everything myself?

That's only mildly exaggerated. And this woman has stayed with me for 27 years.

wingit--I stay far away from divorce. work. More divorce lawyers are assaulted or murdered than all other lawyers combined.

06-08-2004, 01:25 PM	#1
nowareman ABXpert Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 2,466	My wife of 33 years is losing her sanity I didn't even see it coming. One day she was the girl I've known since high school. An occassional rant or complaint. For the most part a reasonable human being. But events have led to her psychological undoing and I'm afraid she may never be the same. We're getting our bathroom remodeled and it's taking a far greater toll on her than I could ever have imagined. Yesterday I stayed upstairs in case the carpenters needed anything. I braved the dust and noise willingly, the thought of a our new bathroom strengthing my resolve. She called me for myriad trips downstairs for instructions in case of any calamatous event. The she complained I was "having fun" on my computer all day. Today I turned my computer off when the plumbers arrived. I went downstairs to stay with her. I even brought a book. As I sipped my morning tea I was told emphatically that I had to go upstairs right then and "supervise" the plumbers. Right now all is quiet. It's just after lunch so the fireworks haven't started yet. But I can tell the fuse is lit.
(Offline)

06-08-2004, 01:28 PM	#2
Monkey Hanger Registered User Join Date: Mar 2001 Posts: 10,590	Retire to a safe distance and watch the fireworks!
(Offline)

06-08-2004, 01:55 PM	#5
Goldenfarmb B is for Bucket Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Central CA Posts: 600	My family is also going through a "remodel". It's actually adding a new room and a remodel to the kitchen, but my wife is going nuts also. I think it's part of her maternal instinct. SHe is freakin gout that her "nest" is being pounded, drilled, and sawed on. Dust and crap everywhere make living conditions messy and that intensifies the insanity. We should be done in a month , if yours is done sooner, please let me know how long it take to get your old wife back.
(Offline)

06-08-2004, 02:21 PM	#10
Bofinn I'm gettin' dizzy! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Chicagoland Posts: 11,035	watch out for any cracks... __________________ ---------- JimBo ----------- When in doubt, smack it!
(Offline)

06-08-2004, 03:55 PM	#15
grsamf Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 3,739	nowareman, don't try to deal rationally with irrationality. She is excited about the project and wants it perfect and if it's not she wants to be able to blame you. I don't mean that as criticism of her. It's just how some of us cope. In my case, the situation is a bit reversed. A typical conversation between my wife and me: She: The [contractor, plumber, painter, whatever] is coming next week to look at the [project] and give his ideas and estimate. Can you be here? Me: That would be really hard. I can't just drop everything. Geez, you know what we want. Can't you handle it. I'll trust your decisions. A week passes. She: The [xxx] was here and said that it would be better to [whatever]. I told him to go ahead. Me: Why in the blazes did you do that? Do I have to do everything myself? That's only mildly exaggerated. And this woman has stayed with me for 27 years. wingit--I stay far away from divorce. work. More divorce lawyers are assaulted or murdered than all other lawyers combined.
(Offline)

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