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Old 08-05-2009, 08:45 AM   #6796
Vheox
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Re: Living Will

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozzie View Post
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'



They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my beer.



They’re such a$$e$ ...
No beer and no TV make Homer go something something...
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Old 08-05-2009, 11:09 AM   #6797
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Re: And on a lighter note

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Old 08-10-2009, 04:43 PM   #6798
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Re: And on a lighter note

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

Sit all day by the door of your home and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.
For this,I will give you a life span of twenty years.

The dog said That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten.

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

Entertain people, do tricks and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty year life span.

The monkey said Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to preform. How about I give you back ten years like the dog did?

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

You must go into the fields with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family.
For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.

The cow said: That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?

And God agreed.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

Eat, sleep, play, marry, and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.

But man said: Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back,the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?

Okay, said God, You asked for it.

So this is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone comes by.
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Old 08-10-2009, 05:01 PM   #6799
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Re: And on a lighter note

I'm not at the barking stage yet.................

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Old 08-10-2009, 07:29 PM   #6800
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Re: And on a lighter note

Well, you gotta bark a little...keeps those grandkids off balance...
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Old 08-11-2009, 10:58 AM   #6801
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Re: And on a lighter note

LOL! Good one Ozzie
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Old 09-09-2009, 06:51 AM   #6802
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Re: And on a lighter note

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence..

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together.. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Sixty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
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Old 04-26-2014, 02:36 AM   #6803
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Re: And on a lighter note

It's been a while since I posted here. It's been even longer since somebody posted in this topic. I was just going through some of my favorites that I had saved in my browser when I ran across one for this. Just to give you an idea how old it is, I saved it when the website was still asusboards.com. Talk about going back in time as far as the internet is concerned. The "modified" date for the file is ‎Thursday, ‎April ‎10, ‎2003, ‏‎3:14:21 AM. That's just over 11 years ago for those that can't do math.
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Old 04-26-2014, 10:41 AM   #6804
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Re: And on a lighter note

Wow that is a long time. Greetings amigo. Been a while I have not posted myself.
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Old 08-06-2017, 04:43 PM   #6805
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Re: And on a lighter note

YouTube
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Old 08-07-2017, 09:51 AM   #6806
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Re: And on a lighter note

Yea that was neat, now you guy's can see what I've NOT been missing,
from oc'ing...
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Last edited by Sir Skully; 08-07-2017 at 10:53 PM..
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Old 08-07-2017, 09:19 PM   #6807
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Re: And on a lighter note

The title caught my attention then the video looked cool.
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